Well I could not come up with a better name for this post. Funny, the only reason I am writing this....a long time loyal customer (you know who you are) of Mango's actually mentioned she had read a few of my posts. My first follower!! So...if you are reading this, and you like it...lemme know. It really fuels my typing.
Let's get to the story. This happened last summer, and it was a hot hot summer evening. The temperature will only become more relevant as the story progresses. It was a Tuesday night, as I was behind the bar for one of my two shifts of the week. I was a little late getting behind the bar that night, as I was finishing up some journal entries in my office for quickbooks. I came up to find the main dining room slightly full, and the bar starting to fill with the regulars. As I became settled in for the beginning of my shift, I look into the dining room to see if there are any guests I would recognize. Mind you, Cafe Soleil is a fine dining, white tablecloth restaurant about a block from the White House. Tonight, however, we were not only sharing the block with the first lady and Barack Obama, who live in the most opulent of dwellings, but a gentleman that most definitely did not have a home at all. His back was turned to me, and I could only see the insane mess he had created at the table. The table cloth was dirtied, the flowers overturned, there was water on the floor, etc. I found the server, and I tried to get to the bottom of the situation. She was petrified, as she thought she was in big trouble. Apparently, I can be a tad bit intense from time to time!! HA. Anyways, I asked what he had ordered..."WATER....." She said trailing off. Let me stop for just a second here. I am more than sensitive to the homeless, and I often take leftover food, coffee, spare change, etc to the local needy here in the Golden Triangle. However, we usually try to avoid any conflict in the restaurant with them. I will even allow them to use our bathroom upstairs if they need to go.
Back to the story...this guy was clearly not lucid. I could see him talking to himself...pointing in the air. I think he was accusing the table next to his of being racist. Ironically, he was white....and so were they. He eventually caught my eye in the mirror along side the bar, and he then knew his gig was up. He stood up and walked right past his server. You would have thought he had a knife, a gun, and herpes because she quickly ran and hid behind another table. She was such a nice person, but very very very timid. I lost sight of him around the corner as he made his way toward the door. The only blind spot in the entire restaurant. I did not see what happened next, but there were several eye witnesses to the incident. A woman screamed loudly "OH MY GOD!!" Another woman looks up, and notices the man struggling with something. She thought he had dropped something from his pocket. Indeed, he had dropped something. However, only when she went to pick up his item, did she realize it was not a personal item....but he had deposited something on my carpet that was unholier than Satan's undies. It was poo, shit, caca, splaterama, etc. Whatever you want to call it, and I think I muttered all of the above when I finally ran around the corner. I had to calm the woman down, as I did not want to make a scene. I ran out in the street looking for the culprit. He disappeared as quickly as he deposited his brown gold on my new carpet. I went back inside...the woman still hovering around in disbelief. I acted quickly. I called over another server, who had not seen any of this. I grabbed one end of the carpet and rolled it up...almost to the point of the excrement. I told the server to pick the other end up...he looked at me bewildered. I said pick it up, and I motioned and lifted my side. He says "Why!?" I looked at him...then looked down. He saw it...turned his head, and said "C'mon man!" I started laughing. We waddled the rug around the corner to the ally where we dropped the shit rug down. At this point I was rolling in utter disbelief. I was disgusted, but it was sooooo outrageous that I was dying laughing at the situation.
The worst part was cleaning it. I sat there for about minutes thinking to my self "HOW AM I GONNA GET THIS CLEAN!?" Most would throw the rug away, but I was fully intent on keeping this oriental gem. The server now looked at me, and asked how I was going to clean it. I just looked up "Do you have a dog?" He said "No...."
Well......I do have a dog....so I attacked this little human patty with the same weaponry I would for the canine counterpart! A spatula (I threw it away afterwards) and a lot of water and chemicals that would surely kill any micro-fecal organism. I hosed it down completely, and we left it hanging over the fence over night!
This lovely rug still has a home in the entrance way at Soleil. So every time a customer walks in through our doors....there is a little bit of history beneath their feet. Or on their shoes? Kidding...It should be in a museum.
Keep ya posted for more to come...hope there are actually people reading this. Ha, A
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